Things change so gradually with children that in some ways it's hard to notice anything changing at all. It was easier to see things change this morning as Jessica decided yesterday was the last nursing of her nursing life. She's warned the babies for a while and had slowly begun to wean long ago so it wasn't a surprise to anyone. But it still makes me sad.
"Nurse?" said Netta as she stood in the hallway looking up at her mother. "Nurse? Nurse?!" she chanted in a slightly panicky voice. Of the twins it's Netta who has always seemed to truly love nursing. She started to cry as Jessica answered super sympathetically, "no more nurse, nurse all gone."
I generally have really bad memory as a parent but I think that's an image image will last, Netta standing there crying, looking up at her mother. A couple days ago I had a dream about this. I don't remember much except I, too, was crying because the girls stopped nursing. I don't know why I lament it so much. There's a loss of true innocence and of absolute closeness to Jessica that I loved seeing. But that moment in the hallway, Netta's tears, it also abruptly ends a long and often harried chapter in our parenting lives when we had babies and tiny kids. We don't anymore. We're parents of boys and girls, not babies. And I love babies! I know change is good but I'm still going to sit here and wallow in this sad feeling I have.