Past Posts

May 03, 2011

Arthur and Lewis' secret.

Bubbe is home now on hospice care. Yesterday after dinner I took Arthur and Lewis over to her house to for a visit (Jessica and Emily were already there and stayed the night). We've tried to be honest with Arthur and Lewis both about what's happening. This morning Art's preschool teacher mentioned how last week in school he told everyone that his grandma is going to die. So he knows what's going.

At Bubbe's house last night Art was acting in a vivid and unpredictable way. Super expressive, jumping around and pretending to be deathly afraid of Emmett, her cat. It was behavior we've never seen but also entirely fine, play therapy of sorts for our five year old. At one point he and Lewis came into Bubbe's room looking very mischievous. They had told each other a secret and were careful not to let anyone know what it was. They walked over to Bubbe's bed and revealed their plans, a big hug!

Then later I went back in the bedroom and Art had gotten under the covers with Bubbe to lay next to her. This breaks my heart. I know he knows exactly what's going on, that he will soon lose one of his best friends in the whole world, a woman who loves him completely, without judgement and treats him as an entire person unto himself and always has since the moment he was born.

Art can't just get a big hug and cry about what's going on, he doesn't process things that way and we wouldn't expect him to. But he can get under the covers with Bubbe, lay next to her and tell her about the May Day Parade he went to. He can tell me and Jessica that he doesn't want to go home, that he wants to play with Bubbe some more and wait until she wakes up.

Lewis, however. He's only three and for some reason I'm just not worried about him. I'm not sure if he knows what's going on but I think he'll be fine. And, more importantly, he still got a 'treat' when he went to Bubbe's house, a little piece of dark chocolate:


Jess said...

when Art got under the covers with Bubbe it was one of the sweetest things I have ever seen.

Dr Em said...

that was Emily not JEssie

DA Parker said...

Thanks for sharing this, guys (and Adria, too). What a great thing in the circle of life for a boy to spend this time with his Bubbe without any rules of behavior to get in the way.

Lori Simpson said...

This warmed my heart and made me tear up at the same time. Ten years ago my mother was on hospice for a month until she passed and our dear friend's 5-yr-old came every day and said the most amazing things. They understand more than we know and handle it beautifully - I learned a lot from that little boy. Sorry to hear your family is going through this.

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